Tuesday 18 June 2013

Gems From The Treasure Cave Of Sati #1: In The Name Of Dog

Every now and then something happens - an event, a conversation - that's just begging to be be written down. And as I'm someone who's trying to become a writer again - for I haven't been one for a long time - it seems prudent to, you know, write.

I skype with Dr Chris every couple weeks. Either for my own therapy (when I need it), or to  catch up on work stuff if we miss each other when we're at the center, or just to catch up. We're friends, as well as colleagues and therapist-client. (It's an unconventional and some would say 'wrong' arrangement, but it works for us.) I'm not currently in therapy, and I'm off work from now until September or October, but we had a friendly talk today.

Today I got to 'meet' Doc's six-year-old niece, Sasha, and her schnauzer puppy, who is named - wait for it - epididymis.

This name came about due to a six-year-old's mishearing of one of the Labyrinth characters, and an uncle with a medical degree and an offbeat sense of humor who egged her on.

No relation to testicles, except for the excessive fur.

Doc's sister does not have a medical degree, nor a particularly offbeat sense of humor, and she's cursing the fact that nobody picked up on the puppy's name until after he'd learned to respond to it. Now, of course, they're stuck, since nobody wants to try and retrain him to answer to a new name. *grins*

I have to say, though, it makes my own childhood choice of James Pond Bubble-Oh-Seven (goldfish) and Anna and Michael's Catticus Finch (American Shorthair) look positively mundane.

Monday 10 June 2013

The List - No, Not *That* List

Holy crud, I knew I had this post somewhere. That's what I get for using encrypted files. I lose them and then don't find them for two years.

Anyway.

I shouldn't have to tell you this is tongue-in-cheek, but I suppose I'd better, just in case.

The (Incomplete) List of Things I Look For In A Man

Intelligence and Learning:

Is smart - 5 pts
Is smarter than me - 50 pts
Is smarter than I used to be - 500 pts

Can talk to me intelligently about Plato - 5 pts
Can talk to me intelligently about Plato for more than 90 seconds - 50 pts
Can talk to me intelligently about Plato for more than 90 seconds without sounding condescending - 500 pts

Likes Studio Ghibli - 50 pts
Grave of the Fireflies is his favorite - minus 50 pts

Will happily read an essay of mine titled, "Exploring the Parallels in the Lives and Rise to Power of Emperor Haile Selassie and Simba the Lion King" - 50 pts
Will laugh at me because he knows the essay was at least 90% B.S. - 500 pts

Cleanliness and Appearance:

Showers or bathes before bed - 250 pts
Shaves daily - 250 pts
Keeps his pubic hair trimmed - 250 pts
Uses a nice-smelling detergent / fabric softener - 250 pts
Wears cologne or aftershave (and is willing to use one that I like) - 250 pts
Is happy to wear a nice suit now and then - 250 pts
Asks for my advice on picking one out - 250 pts

Hobbies:

Speaks Japanese - 250 pts
Speaks Spanish - 250 pts

Will quote me e.e. cummings - 100 pts
Will quote me Pablo Neruda - 100 pts
Will quote me Christina Rosetti - 100 pts
Will quote me Edgar Allan Poe - 100 pts
Will quote me Shelley - 100 pts

Buys me books for my birthday - 25 pts
Buys me books when it's not my birthday - 100 pts
Buys me MolyMod for my birthday, instead of what he thinks I should want - 1000 pts

Can cook food that tastes great - 25 pts
Can cook food that tastes great and is healthy - 100 pts

Buys me flowers now and then - 25 pts
Buys me flowers that suit my personality - 100 pts

Is creative and / or artistic - 25 pts
Thinks it's adorable that I'm not - 100 pts

Tells jokes that make me laugh - 25 pts
Tells clean jokes that still make me laugh - 100 pts
Tells clean jokes that make me laugh so hard I stop breathing for a minute - 250 pts

Corrects my grammar - plus or minus 50 pts, depending on how he does it

Does volunteer work - 50 pts

Looks:

Is tall - 250 pts (fuck off, sometimes I'm shallow)
Has nice strong shoulders - 250 pts
Has good skin - 250 pts
Has neatish eyebrows that don't meet in the middle - 250 pts
Has a few tattoos (more than 0, less than 5) - 250 pts
Has a few piercings (more than 0, less than 5) - 250 pts
Has a crooked smile - 250 pts
Wears eyeliner and / or mascara and / or nail polish - 250 pts
Has a moderately large nose - 250 pts (yes, seriously...I think it's a throwback to my Native American ancestry, but most of the guys I really crush on have large noses)

Arete:

Makes me want to be a better person - 500 pts
Makes me want to do things that I'm scared to do - 500 pts
Makes me want to do things that I might well regret - 500 pts

Got your score? Great. Now throw it away, because that was just for fun. For the right man, none of this counts.

Makes me feel all fluttery in my stomach when I see him - 500 pts
Makes me feel all fluttery in my stomach just by texting or calling me, or messaging me, or coming online - 5 million pts