The day before yesterday, I made the final payment on my five-year bank loan, and yesterday I shopped.
Actually, for someone who's been poor for the last five years (poorer than usual, I mean), I think I did quite well not to buy up the entire town. I bought some boring things, like phone credit and deodorant and facial scrub and cleanser. I bought a tuna crunch baguette and a packet of yum-yums (and yes, I ate them). I bought a couple of books - Janet Evanovich's "Finger-Lickin' Fifteen", and collected works of Shelley and Tennyson (which were £4.99 each for a huge book, as opposed to £8.99 for a little slim one - I need to buy more from that publisher). I observed with happiness that Charlaine Harris' "Dead and Gone" is now out in paperback, although I didn't buy it. I looked for a copy of T.H. White's "The Once and Future King", but couldn't find it in either the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section, or the Classics.
I had a quiet but heated argument with myself about whether I really needed a pair of lilac satin strappy 5-inch stiletto heels. I lost, and now I have a pair of ridiculously hot shoes that I'm 95% sure I won't be able to wear outside the bedroom. I'm a little scared by the height, to be honest, although they're actually fairly comfy. The last time I wore shoes that high was when I was doing a photoshoot wearing Vivienne Westwood, and they actually had to bind the shoes to my feet with clear tape so I wouldn't wobble and break an ankle. Happily, I seem to find it easier to walk in them than I did back then.
I finally got a copy of "Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks" at a decent price, so that's taken up much of my last 24 hours.
After Chrissie's urging, I got a Ped-Egg, and I'm not yet convinced that it works any better than a regular file, but we'll see.
The last thing I ended up with was a long black dress. I'm not sure about the dress yet. H & M's sizes seem to be getting smaller and smaller, at least in the shoulders and arms, and even though I bought a size larger than I usually wear from there, the arms are tight. Plus it has a little hole in the shoulder, which I didn't see when I bought it. But I don't know, maybe I'll keep it. It's very plain, no frills or frou-frou, and made of the softest cotton, and would work equally well as a nightdress. And I do need a new nightdress; most of my old ones are now halfway up my thigh instead of on the knee.
I'm sure there's plenty that I should be posting about my current life, but this is a happy post, and it's staying that way.
Oh sheesh, I don't have time, anyway - I have to go pick Mom up from the hospital. She had her back surgery today, and is getting discharged in a half hour. She seemed pretty perky when she called me a few minutes ago, so fingers crossed it worked this time. :)
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Loss
This month has been difficult. Too difficult.
I never like to use the word broken, because it implies something that has been smashed beyond repair. Usually I refer to my injuries as scrapes and bruises, things that will heal in time. Yet right now, bruised is not an adequate description. Cracked is better, but not quite right. Chipped, perhaps. I feel like I am being constantly chipped away, like every day more of me is worn away by the world, and eventually I will be so small I will cease to exist to the human eye.
I lost a lot this month, not least the two children who I have loved and nurtured every day for the past nine years. Violence did not steal them, nor cancer, nor a tragic accident. Their loss is apparent only to me.
Probably you want an explanation for that, but you're not getting one. Over the years I have tried hard to curb my arrogant tendencies, but one thing that I never mastered was the habit of explaining myself to others. I rarely explain my actions and words. And in this case, at least, a real explanation is not possible. To do so would involve using grandiose words like Destiny and Time and Quantum, and at the end, when you are blinking fast and wondering if I've gone completely mad - instead of the half-mad that I usually am - chances are you wouldn't understand anyway.
Some things cannot be explained with words, even by someone who uses words as much as I do - some things must be FELT. You either know what I'm talking about or you don't, and if you don't, you probably never will.
All too often I hear people giving platitudes, meant to fortify the spirit. Get back on the horse. Plenty more fish in the sea. Pick yourself up and try again. Keep smiling. Move on. Count your blessings. They mean well, of course, but what this well-meant advice tells you is that you must always keep moving forward in life, and it's not okay to admit your sorrow, to mourn for what should have been, to even take a break. I disagree. I think sometimes the only way to keep your sanity is to just stop for awhile.
Right now, I am stopped. For the rest of this month, and perhaps the next, I have pared down my life to the bare minimum. I do all the things needed to keep myself alive - I sleep, I bathe, I fill in paperwork to earn enough money to pay my bills, I even eat - and very little else. Although I do read. Some days all I do is read.
Some days I get dressed. Some days I even leave the house.
I am not suicidal. I will never be suicidal. And I am not dying of anything else that I am aware of. In all likelihood, you will find me alive - and perhaps even well - come October. So I am not dying, and the rest is just details.
Eventually I will pick myself up. I have the end of September in mind, because then I will be able to buy folders and paper and pens, and enrol in uni for the coming year, and start living again. In a couple months I will pull myself out of the hole, and move forward with things, and build a new life for myself, and place this terrible summer in the past where it belongs. I will date, and take ballet classes, and learn to cook some sort of foreign cuisine, and I will smile and laugh, and even mean it.
Just not today.
I never like to use the word broken, because it implies something that has been smashed beyond repair. Usually I refer to my injuries as scrapes and bruises, things that will heal in time. Yet right now, bruised is not an adequate description. Cracked is better, but not quite right. Chipped, perhaps. I feel like I am being constantly chipped away, like every day more of me is worn away by the world, and eventually I will be so small I will cease to exist to the human eye.
I lost a lot this month, not least the two children who I have loved and nurtured every day for the past nine years. Violence did not steal them, nor cancer, nor a tragic accident. Their loss is apparent only to me.
Probably you want an explanation for that, but you're not getting one. Over the years I have tried hard to curb my arrogant tendencies, but one thing that I never mastered was the habit of explaining myself to others. I rarely explain my actions and words. And in this case, at least, a real explanation is not possible. To do so would involve using grandiose words like Destiny and Time and Quantum, and at the end, when you are blinking fast and wondering if I've gone completely mad - instead of the half-mad that I usually am - chances are you wouldn't understand anyway.
Some things cannot be explained with words, even by someone who uses words as much as I do - some things must be FELT. You either know what I'm talking about or you don't, and if you don't, you probably never will.
All too often I hear people giving platitudes, meant to fortify the spirit. Get back on the horse. Plenty more fish in the sea. Pick yourself up and try again. Keep smiling. Move on. Count your blessings. They mean well, of course, but what this well-meant advice tells you is that you must always keep moving forward in life, and it's not okay to admit your sorrow, to mourn for what should have been, to even take a break. I disagree. I think sometimes the only way to keep your sanity is to just stop for awhile.
Right now, I am stopped. For the rest of this month, and perhaps the next, I have pared down my life to the bare minimum. I do all the things needed to keep myself alive - I sleep, I bathe, I fill in paperwork to earn enough money to pay my bills, I even eat - and very little else. Although I do read. Some days all I do is read.
Some days I get dressed. Some days I even leave the house.
I am not suicidal. I will never be suicidal. And I am not dying of anything else that I am aware of. In all likelihood, you will find me alive - and perhaps even well - come October. So I am not dying, and the rest is just details.
Eventually I will pick myself up. I have the end of September in mind, because then I will be able to buy folders and paper and pens, and enrol in uni for the coming year, and start living again. In a couple months I will pull myself out of the hole, and move forward with things, and build a new life for myself, and place this terrible summer in the past where it belongs. I will date, and take ballet classes, and learn to cook some sort of foreign cuisine, and I will smile and laugh, and even mean it.
Just not today.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Empathy
So I'm sitting here in my living room, at 1.17 on a Monday night (Tuesday morning), buck naked because it's just too freakin' hot to wear clothes, and I am completely at a loss as to what to do with myself. I should be in bed, but however hot it is down here I know it'll be worse in my room. I've been in a shitty mood all day, for no apparent reason. If there is a reason, I certainly can't figure out what it is, which leads me to think that it's not my bad mood at all, it's someone else's and I'm just picking it up. Thankfully the blackness of the mood began to fade at about 11 this evening - 5 your time - and now I just feel kind of lost.
I'm an empath. It's what I am, it's what I do. And most of the time I can - well, not embrace it, exactly, but live with it. Most of the time I bitch a little, and then eventually shrug and say Oh well, if I weren't an empath I'd probably be a sociopath, so all things considered this way is probably better, and then I just move onto the next thing and don't really bother too much about it until the next time I'm barraged with someone else's emotions.
But then there are some days when I don't deal well at all.
If you can't understand what I'm saying, I ask you to consider this: imagine everything you've ever felt - and then multiply it by everyone you've met. Dull it down a bit - because obviously I don't get the complete uncensored emotions from everyone. But even dulled down, it's pretty crazy-making. You learn early to build your shields, or you go crazy. Some of the shields are instinctive - I don't experience the way people feel about me most of the time; my brain instinctively protects me from that - and others are ones that I've deliberately built and refined over the years.
Now and then, though, I find a person who bypasses all the shields as though they're not even there. I have one such person in my life right now. With this person, there's no off switch. The feelings don't come through all the time, but when they do there's no way of controlling them or getting rid of them. A lot of the time I don't even know if the things I feel are my own or not. And unlike with my own, I can't rationalise my way out of a bad mood when it's coming from an outside source. For better or for worse, we are bonded, and there is nothing I can do about that. Even the Ancestors can't or won't help me.
So I carry on, trying with all my power to ignore the frequent bursts of nausea or heavy feelings I get in my chest, hurting as they hurt, knowing that one of the people I love most in the world is in a heapload of pain, and also knowing that there is very little I can do about it.
I'm an empath. It's what I am, it's what I do. And most of the time I can - well, not embrace it, exactly, but live with it. Most of the time I bitch a little, and then eventually shrug and say Oh well, if I weren't an empath I'd probably be a sociopath, so all things considered this way is probably better, and then I just move onto the next thing and don't really bother too much about it until the next time I'm barraged with someone else's emotions.
But then there are some days when I don't deal well at all.
If you can't understand what I'm saying, I ask you to consider this: imagine everything you've ever felt - and then multiply it by everyone you've met. Dull it down a bit - because obviously I don't get the complete uncensored emotions from everyone. But even dulled down, it's pretty crazy-making. You learn early to build your shields, or you go crazy. Some of the shields are instinctive - I don't experience the way people feel about me most of the time; my brain instinctively protects me from that - and others are ones that I've deliberately built and refined over the years.
Now and then, though, I find a person who bypasses all the shields as though they're not even there. I have one such person in my life right now. With this person, there's no off switch. The feelings don't come through all the time, but when they do there's no way of controlling them or getting rid of them. A lot of the time I don't even know if the things I feel are my own or not. And unlike with my own, I can't rationalise my way out of a bad mood when it's coming from an outside source. For better or for worse, we are bonded, and there is nothing I can do about that. Even the Ancestors can't or won't help me.
So I carry on, trying with all my power to ignore the frequent bursts of nausea or heavy feelings I get in my chest, hurting as they hurt, knowing that one of the people I love most in the world is in a heapload of pain, and also knowing that there is very little I can do about it.
Stoopid Fevers
I've been feeling pretty off for the last couple weeks. I don't know exactly what's wrong, but my glands are up and I'm constantly feverish. It's probably just a phase that will go away sooner or later (sooner, I hope) but it's driving me crazy. I have NO energy, even for the things I like to do - I meant to bake a cake today so we could have strawberry shortcake, but I didn't even have the energy for that so we ate the berries with swiss roll instead.
So yeah, I'm not around much. I was hoping to set up a proper blog, with daily posts and stuff, but it didn't happen. Mleah. In the autumn, maybe.
I bought a really cute dress for when I start college in the fall. You can't see it very well in the pictures, and I don't have anyone to take pics for me (Mom is murder on machines; I don't dare let her operate my camera) and can't seem to stand it up to take pics by itself, but you can see the neckline. I love this neckline - I wore them a lot when I was in high school, but for the last ten years I haven't found them anywhere. It's only this summer that I've found shirts and dresses like this again, and I'm very happy.
Anyway, here's a pic from yesterday. Sorry about the fat cheeks, I can't wait until my parotid glands finally go down!
(My niece Christie calls the pigtails "BJ handles". :D )
So yeah, I'm not around much. I was hoping to set up a proper blog, with daily posts and stuff, but it didn't happen. Mleah. In the autumn, maybe.
I bought a really cute dress for when I start college in the fall. You can't see it very well in the pictures, and I don't have anyone to take pics for me (Mom is murder on machines; I don't dare let her operate my camera) and can't seem to stand it up to take pics by itself, but you can see the neckline. I love this neckline - I wore them a lot when I was in high school, but for the last ten years I haven't found them anywhere. It's only this summer that I've found shirts and dresses like this again, and I'm very happy.
Anyway, here's a pic from yesterday. Sorry about the fat cheeks, I can't wait until my parotid glands finally go down!
(My niece Christie calls the pigtails "BJ handles". :D )
Thursday, 15 July 2010
The Eternal Memory
What the mind forgets, the senses retain eternally.
Once upon a time, a third of a lifetime ago, I went to a party. It was a nice party, as most of them are when you're seventeen and feel like the world loves you, and a picture of that night was placed into my memory banks to occasionally pull out and smile over when I'm reminiscing with friends, or feeling lonely or stressed. Over the years, the picture faded, and what I was left with was a distant memory that sometimes makes me smile.
Lori, my lodger, has a cosmetics collection to rival Boots'. She works at Wilko, and every time a new bath product comes onto the shelves, before the ads are even on TV, it's been added to our bathroom collection. Sometimes her shelf gets so cluttered that things fall off into the bath, and a month or so ago I was knocked on the head by a can of Imperial Leather Foamburst Ocean Spa, which then fell into my bath and promptly released its fragrance from the little bit of foam that was left outside the can. Instantly I was catapulted back into that evening.
Part of me knows that I'm still sitting in the bath, but that's only the smallest part of me: most of what makes up Sati Marie Frost is back in a darkened hall in London Colney, watching the multicoloured lights on the DJ's box that give the room its only illumination. I can see and hear everything, clearer than it has been in the nine years since, perhaps even clearer than it was at the time. I can hear the boys singing karaoke to Oasis' "Don't Look Back In Anger", and I'm laughing and cheering along. I can feel the slightly scratchy gold spangles of my dress, and the comforting fleece of the ratty zip-up hoodie I have over the top, because I've only been back in England less than a month and I'm always cold. I can see my gold shoes, and my nails - one foot painted magenta, the other electric blue - and I can also see the long, elegant, tanned finger that's touching me just above my toes. And he smells like the ocean. I didn't even notice at the time, had forgotten all but the vaguest memories since, but now I smell that scent again I remember it as clear as day.
So I went out and bought myself a can. And now I lie here on my bed on this chilly summer's evening, and occasionally the breezes from the open window blow the vapours of sea kelp and birch bark off my legs and arms and into my nose, and every puff of air takes my breath away.
Once upon a time, a third of a lifetime ago, I went to a party. It was a nice party, as most of them are when you're seventeen and feel like the world loves you, and a picture of that night was placed into my memory banks to occasionally pull out and smile over when I'm reminiscing with friends, or feeling lonely or stressed. Over the years, the picture faded, and what I was left with was a distant memory that sometimes makes me smile.
Lori, my lodger, has a cosmetics collection to rival Boots'. She works at Wilko, and every time a new bath product comes onto the shelves, before the ads are even on TV, it's been added to our bathroom collection. Sometimes her shelf gets so cluttered that things fall off into the bath, and a month or so ago I was knocked on the head by a can of Imperial Leather Foamburst Ocean Spa, which then fell into my bath and promptly released its fragrance from the little bit of foam that was left outside the can. Instantly I was catapulted back into that evening.
Part of me knows that I'm still sitting in the bath, but that's only the smallest part of me: most of what makes up Sati Marie Frost is back in a darkened hall in London Colney, watching the multicoloured lights on the DJ's box that give the room its only illumination. I can see and hear everything, clearer than it has been in the nine years since, perhaps even clearer than it was at the time. I can hear the boys singing karaoke to Oasis' "Don't Look Back In Anger", and I'm laughing and cheering along. I can feel the slightly scratchy gold spangles of my dress, and the comforting fleece of the ratty zip-up hoodie I have over the top, because I've only been back in England less than a month and I'm always cold. I can see my gold shoes, and my nails - one foot painted magenta, the other electric blue - and I can also see the long, elegant, tanned finger that's touching me just above my toes. And he smells like the ocean. I didn't even notice at the time, had forgotten all but the vaguest memories since, but now I smell that scent again I remember it as clear as day.
So I went out and bought myself a can. And now I lie here on my bed on this chilly summer's evening, and occasionally the breezes from the open window blow the vapours of sea kelp and birch bark off my legs and arms and into my nose, and every puff of air takes my breath away.
Sunday, 11 July 2010
Lazy Days
Ohhhh...what I would give to be lying on a beach right now, or by a private outdoor pool, or by the lake in Milton Keynes. *sigh*
Becki and I went skating in Milton Keynes this morning. I've been dreaming about ice skating for years now, but I hadn't actually been since my head injury (i.e. having the reset button hit on all things to do with co-ordination) so I didn't know if my body would remember how to do it. Well, at first I didn't, but I got better. I did totally tank it once, but only once, and that was when I was skating over a really rough patch left by one of the show-off speed skaters. :) But ohhh, it was wonderful. The skating, not the falling on my ass. I wasn't anything like in my dream - in my dreams I can spin and jump and generally look like a fairy princess of the ice, and today I wasn't very good. But it FELT good. I felt so free out there, even though my feet hurt a lot.
I hadn't been to Milton Keynes for about ten years, and I forgot how much I love it there. In summer, especially, it looks to me like someone plonked down a strange, modern city, complete with lake, in the middle of a field. Everything is so flat and new and summery and...well, unhaunted that I feel totally at home there. I especially love the lake - it looks so much cleaner than Stanborough, and there were all these boaters and windsurfers on there. I haven't windsurfed in years either, principally because I can't find anywhere to do it, and I really really want to spend some time at the lake this summer. It's not a beautiful natural lake like the ones you see in Scotland or America; it's definitely man-made and really more of a reservoir than a lake, but there's something about it that makes me feel totally at home. :)
So that was my day. Sadly I've missed Tesco and nearly missed the gym, so I'm just going to stroll up to the Co-Op to get something to eat, and then take a nap.
[There was a recipe for cornbread here, but I haven't decided yet whether to put recipes in this blog or not.]
Becki and I went skating in Milton Keynes this morning. I've been dreaming about ice skating for years now, but I hadn't actually been since my head injury (i.e. having the reset button hit on all things to do with co-ordination) so I didn't know if my body would remember how to do it. Well, at first I didn't, but I got better. I did totally tank it once, but only once, and that was when I was skating over a really rough patch left by one of the show-off speed skaters. :) But ohhh, it was wonderful. The skating, not the falling on my ass. I wasn't anything like in my dream - in my dreams I can spin and jump and generally look like a fairy princess of the ice, and today I wasn't very good. But it FELT good. I felt so free out there, even though my feet hurt a lot.
I hadn't been to Milton Keynes for about ten years, and I forgot how much I love it there. In summer, especially, it looks to me like someone plonked down a strange, modern city, complete with lake, in the middle of a field. Everything is so flat and new and summery and...well, unhaunted that I feel totally at home there. I especially love the lake - it looks so much cleaner than Stanborough, and there were all these boaters and windsurfers on there. I haven't windsurfed in years either, principally because I can't find anywhere to do it, and I really really want to spend some time at the lake this summer. It's not a beautiful natural lake like the ones you see in Scotland or America; it's definitely man-made and really more of a reservoir than a lake, but there's something about it that makes me feel totally at home. :)
So that was my day. Sadly I've missed Tesco and nearly missed the gym, so I'm just going to stroll up to the Co-Op to get something to eat, and then take a nap.
[There was a recipe for cornbread here, but I haven't decided yet whether to put recipes in this blog or not.]
News - Facebook
Good God, it's been awhile. Longer than awhile, actually...a loooong while. *rolls eyes* I've been meaning to update you guys on my life for a couple months, but for one reason or another I never manage to actually get anything written. I've mentally written a dozen or more entries when I've been in the bath (I do most of my best thinking in the bath) but by the time I get out and get dressed - or undressed - I've forgotten the details of what I wanted to write, and by the time I get into bed and read for awhile I've lost even the gist of it.
I got too much sun today. I'm sitting here in my little pink sundress, which I don't wear much because it started off as Mom's and it's too big and doesn't hold my boobs in (so I have to wear a bra, which I hate in the summer) and for once, I'm GLAD that it's too big because it doesn't rub my back, or have any material over the shoulders, which is where I'm burnt. I can't believe I burned just walking up to the Co-Op and around the car boot sale at the church for a few minutes. It was a tiny sale (although somehow we did manage to pick up a load of semi-nice-semi-junk) and we can't have spent more than twenty minutes walking around, so I don't know how I managed to pick up pink on my shoulders and some very obvious strap marks. I suppose I should count myself lucky that I was wearing a low dress with just two spaghetti straps on, rather than one of the halternecks. *shrugs*
Anyway, that was around midday, and I didn't realise I was burnt about eight this evening - but it certainly explains the tiredness and headache and stomachache that's been plaguing me this afternoon and that I'd assumed was just general me. (Or general M.E., take your pick.)
The TV is on, and an ad for one of those mobile apps just came on - touch free fart control. Get this app for your phone, and leave your phone on the table, and whenever one of your friends walks by it'll make a farting sound. So stupid, so why is it so hilarious? Or is it just me?
...You don't really need to answer that.
I've had an odd couple of weeks. Lots of visions, both pleasant and unpleasant. I've been dreaming about the Ainu more, too, and that's not a good sign. I know that chances are, nothing will happen and the dreams will go away after a little while, but until they do I know I'll be just slightly on edge, wondering every night when I go to sleep if I'll wake up to the same world in the morning.
The other dreams and visions...they're not public. By which I mean they're not anything that will affect anyone other than a few close friends. I don't mean they're not for public consumption. Consumption? That doesn't feel like quite the right word. Public appraisal? Public entertainment?
Mmm...Alicia Keys is on Channel AKA now. If there were one woman who could turn me, Alicia Keys would be it. Especially in that purple catsuit in the "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" video. Just thought I'd throw that in there. ;)
Most of my weeks are fairly uneventful: I go to class, I work, I take walks, I sleep, I eat, I read romance novels. Yet uni is over, has been over since the end of May, and I'm mostly off work for the summer, so how the heck is it that with all this free time, I'm getting less done than ever, and feel like the days are passing far too fast? Oh, I've DONE plenty of things in the last month, but nothing of any real value, aside from seeing a few friends. I went shopping with Chrissie twice, and saw the family for lunch twice, once at Tony and Debbie's, and then on 4th of July we did lunch here. (I got conscripted into making tuna-pasta salad and cornbread, which were both pretty good.) I'm happy to say it did NOT repeat the several 4th of July disasters that I've had in the years since 2005. I went to London last week to see my Dad and Jackie. I had dinner with Becki, which seems like only about two weeks ago, but must have been 6 or 8 weeks in reality. I had dinner with Curt two weeks ago (two real weeks, LOL).
I bought the first two new Vampire Diaries books (which are actually books 5 and 6, since she wrote the original quartet back in 1992 or 1993) and the first two Twilight books. I'm reading the first one (just called Twilight, I think) right now, started it this morning after getting sick of people telling me to read it. I didn't expect to like it much, but it's actually very charming. Not as slick and sexy as the Southern Vampires books (which became TrueBlood when they made the TV series) or as emotionally involving as the original Vampire Diaries books - or, for that matter, as terrifying as the new ones - but it certainly has its own brand of charm, and I can understand why people like it, if not quite why it became such an overnight sensation.
And no, despite buying the new Vampire Diaries books, I still don't like the TV series. With very few exceptions (TrueBlood being one of them) I hate TV shows and movies that don't remain true to a book - I think if you're going to make it, you need to make it right, otherwise you may as well just make something else.
I also got a couple of new summer dresses - three, actually - since I've grown so much taller that none of my old ones fit me anymore. Unfortunately, one of the new ones was great until I washed it, and now it doesn't suit at all - argh! Hopefully when I lose a bit of weight it'll be good again. The other two are very good, though - one of them is strapless (or has detachable straps) and is white with little purple flowers and a lilac ruffle round the hemline, and the other is loose and cream with red flowers in a line down the front, and unlined, and blessedly cool. And best of all, they're both cotton and loose and LONG, right down past my ankles. I had to get them in a 14, so they're both a bit tight in the boobs, but they look pretty good. :)
And also quite a lot of underwear - a black and red lace and satin chemise with black panties (which you can see in my photo album, LOL) and a sheer black robe and a pale pink and black cami thing, and a black and pink peekaboo bra with black and pink panties, and this amazing sheer white mesh bodysuit (with a little ruffle that makes it look like a tutu) which I sadly have to lose a little bit of weight to wear, because at my current weight it's just a little bit too short in the body.
I think that's probably all the news I have to offer you right now, except that I've been to the gym three times this week (and swimming once) and my muscles are killing me. I'm going to go swimming every Wednesday night, though, if anyone wants to join me. :) (Ladies only - it's ladies' night, although if any guys want to go sometime I'm up for suggestions!)
I got too much sun today. I'm sitting here in my little pink sundress, which I don't wear much because it started off as Mom's and it's too big and doesn't hold my boobs in (so I have to wear a bra, which I hate in the summer) and for once, I'm GLAD that it's too big because it doesn't rub my back, or have any material over the shoulders, which is where I'm burnt. I can't believe I burned just walking up to the Co-Op and around the car boot sale at the church for a few minutes. It was a tiny sale (although somehow we did manage to pick up a load of semi-nice-semi-junk) and we can't have spent more than twenty minutes walking around, so I don't know how I managed to pick up pink on my shoulders and some very obvious strap marks. I suppose I should count myself lucky that I was wearing a low dress with just two spaghetti straps on, rather than one of the halternecks. *shrugs*
Anyway, that was around midday, and I didn't realise I was burnt about eight this evening - but it certainly explains the tiredness and headache and stomachache that's been plaguing me this afternoon and that I'd assumed was just general me. (Or general M.E., take your pick.)
The TV is on, and an ad for one of those mobile apps just came on - touch free fart control. Get this app for your phone, and leave your phone on the table, and whenever one of your friends walks by it'll make a farting sound. So stupid, so why is it so hilarious? Or is it just me?
...You don't really need to answer that.
I've had an odd couple of weeks. Lots of visions, both pleasant and unpleasant. I've been dreaming about the Ainu more, too, and that's not a good sign. I know that chances are, nothing will happen and the dreams will go away after a little while, but until they do I know I'll be just slightly on edge, wondering every night when I go to sleep if I'll wake up to the same world in the morning.
The other dreams and visions...they're not public. By which I mean they're not anything that will affect anyone other than a few close friends. I don't mean they're not for public consumption. Consumption? That doesn't feel like quite the right word. Public appraisal? Public entertainment?
Mmm...Alicia Keys is on Channel AKA now. If there were one woman who could turn me, Alicia Keys would be it. Especially in that purple catsuit in the "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" video. Just thought I'd throw that in there. ;)
Most of my weeks are fairly uneventful: I go to class, I work, I take walks, I sleep, I eat, I read romance novels. Yet uni is over, has been over since the end of May, and I'm mostly off work for the summer, so how the heck is it that with all this free time, I'm getting less done than ever, and feel like the days are passing far too fast? Oh, I've DONE plenty of things in the last month, but nothing of any real value, aside from seeing a few friends. I went shopping with Chrissie twice, and saw the family for lunch twice, once at Tony and Debbie's, and then on 4th of July we did lunch here. (I got conscripted into making tuna-pasta salad and cornbread, which were both pretty good.) I'm happy to say it did NOT repeat the several 4th of July disasters that I've had in the years since 2005. I went to London last week to see my Dad and Jackie. I had dinner with Becki, which seems like only about two weeks ago, but must have been 6 or 8 weeks in reality. I had dinner with Curt two weeks ago (two real weeks, LOL).
I bought the first two new Vampire Diaries books (which are actually books 5 and 6, since she wrote the original quartet back in 1992 or 1993) and the first two Twilight books. I'm reading the first one (just called Twilight, I think) right now, started it this morning after getting sick of people telling me to read it. I didn't expect to like it much, but it's actually very charming. Not as slick and sexy as the Southern Vampires books (which became TrueBlood when they made the TV series) or as emotionally involving as the original Vampire Diaries books - or, for that matter, as terrifying as the new ones - but it certainly has its own brand of charm, and I can understand why people like it, if not quite why it became such an overnight sensation.
And no, despite buying the new Vampire Diaries books, I still don't like the TV series. With very few exceptions (TrueBlood being one of them) I hate TV shows and movies that don't remain true to a book - I think if you're going to make it, you need to make it right, otherwise you may as well just make something else.
I also got a couple of new summer dresses - three, actually - since I've grown so much taller that none of my old ones fit me anymore. Unfortunately, one of the new ones was great until I washed it, and now it doesn't suit at all - argh! Hopefully when I lose a bit of weight it'll be good again. The other two are very good, though - one of them is strapless (or has detachable straps) and is white with little purple flowers and a lilac ruffle round the hemline, and the other is loose and cream with red flowers in a line down the front, and unlined, and blessedly cool. And best of all, they're both cotton and loose and LONG, right down past my ankles. I had to get them in a 14, so they're both a bit tight in the boobs, but they look pretty good. :)
And also quite a lot of underwear - a black and red lace and satin chemise with black panties (which you can see in my photo album, LOL) and a sheer black robe and a pale pink and black cami thing, and a black and pink peekaboo bra with black and pink panties, and this amazing sheer white mesh bodysuit (with a little ruffle that makes it look like a tutu) which I sadly have to lose a little bit of weight to wear, because at my current weight it's just a little bit too short in the body.
I think that's probably all the news I have to offer you right now, except that I've been to the gym three times this week (and swimming once) and my muscles are killing me. I'm going to go swimming every Wednesday night, though, if anyone wants to join me. :) (Ladies only - it's ladies' night, although if any guys want to go sometime I'm up for suggestions!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
