Meetings

Just not feeling it at the moment. I have so much I want to write about, and so many comments to reply to, but I just can't seem to get my act together - or, indeed, string my sentences together. I feel kind of guilty about the comments especially, because you've all made the effort to respond to what I've written, and I feel like I owe it to y'all to reply to your responses. I do try and reply to every comment I get, but sometimes it takes me longer than I'd like.

I am, however, going to meet bubblevishious and Kidfos - two of the most awesome bloggers on the site - in London in a few days, which makes me really really happy.

It seems to be the year for meeting A F F members, actually. AirForceBloke999 took me out for dinner last weekend, which was very nice - he's a sweetheart, and we had a nice time stuffing ourselves with Nandos chicken burgers and looking at pictures of the stars on his iPhone afterwards. Plus, he brought me a cactus (because I mentioned in a blog that I'd rather have a cactus than flowers) and some lucky bamboo (because it's Japanese - sort of) which was really sweet - it's not often that guys go to the effort of bringing a gift that I'd really like.

I should have got pictures, but I still haven't gotten a good camera - although I saw an ad on TV today that showed a nice Canon in the half-price Argos sale. Not sure when it ends, but I need to go into town tomorrow and take advantage of the last day of the Ann Summers sale, so perhaps I can check it out then.

I'm also hoping to meet a guy I met on here, whose current username I'm not sure of - he signed up, didn't get any replies except me and eventually gave up and cancelled his membership, although I think he may be back on with a different name - but I'm not sure when that will happen, I can't seem to shake off the blahs atm, plus my sister massacred my hair last week (something that will get its own post in due course) and I've put on weight and my skin's all pale and blotchy and...egh.

And I so wanted to look pretty for Bubbles and Kid, too!

*sigh*

I know, it'll be great. I just wanted to LOOK great as well. Good old vanity.

I think it's going to be a year for firsts in general. Not only am I meeting fellow bloggers (I met a couple of A-Double-F members last year, but one of them didn't blog at all and the other, the wonderful diablophallus - who I wrote about in this post last August: I finally met another guy from here! Yay me! - only blogs once in a blue moon) but I've been much more social - although admittedly that's at least partly to do with Christie demanding my presence a couple times a week - and have already done a couple new things this year. I already blogged about my first hockey game. Last fortnight I bought my first - and second - vibrator from a real shop, instead of online. (Previously I'd always got all my sex toys through the mail.)

I went into Ann Summers with the Glitterati in mind, but got drawn in by the sale items, and ended up with something called a Triple Treat instead. Not my best purchase ever - the vibrations aren't strong enough to really do anything for me - but it has changeable heads, and the curved one (for the G-spot) feels kind of nice inside. I went back about a week later and got the Glitterati gold, and it's quite amazing. It's a little too thick to work well inside (I don't think of myself as a particularly tight girl, but it's verrrrry thick), but that's OK since I bought it mostly for external use anyway. At first I thought that it wasn't fast enough, but the vibrations are so strong - almost like pulses, really - that I think if it'd been any faster, it might have killed me, LOL. The orgasms are so different from the ones I get from my old BOB - and yes, women DO have different types of orgasms, five or six kinds at my last count. The orgasms from my old one were the kind I think of as the "usual" type of clitgasms, the kind that I get with an average partner, but the ones from the Glitterati are more like the squirting ones that I got when I was in my early teens, the kind that makes you feel like your whole pussy's on fire. I don't think I've had one of those since I was with Oli, and before that, since I was about 15 and first discovered the miracle of sex toys.

The only real problem with it is the smell and taste, which is nasty, but I'm hoping that's just because it's new and that it'll go with time.

So yeah, plenty of new experiences being had here. The guy I mentioned up there is coming to see me on Tuesday. I'm a little bit concerned, because even though we've agreed not to count our chickens too early, and we both say that you can't ever know if there's chemistry until you meet, I still think he wants to see me naked. I don't know if I'm attracted to the guy or not - it's hard to tell from photos - but I know I'm not feeling sexy right now. Sexy when alone, yes. Full of fantasies, yes. Up for getting naked with another person, no. I'm sleeping so much lately, trying to repair my body after all the infections of the last couple months - I actually fell asleep whilst walking down the hall, the other day - and I have this worry that I'm going to drop off to sleep while we're getting to know each other. And my skin's gone all blotchy, and I have some sort of insect bite / allergic hives on my face and my breasts and bikini area, that don't seem to want to heal, so my boobies are covered in bandaids. (The bikini area I just have to leave open, unfortunately.) The stress of the last season has caused another shingles outbreak along my spine. My hair is a nightmare, all weird and asymmetrical and far too young for me, and my eyes are dull and have shadows under them. And I'm fat, because every time I start up a new workout plan, I get another ear infection and can't exercise.

So yeah, not feeling sexy at all. And yet, if Oli or LOML saw me right now, and told me that they loved me regardless, and that they still thought I was beautiful, I'd jump straight into bed with them. It's not my sex drive that's flagging, it's the rest of the physical stuff.

I guess that despite all the new experiences I've been getting recently, despite enjoying a lot of them, what I really crave is someone old and familiar and comfortable, someone where physical attraction (on my part) comes guaranteed instead of all this will-I-like-him-won't-I-like-him junk. Someone who knows my body as well as I know it, and who loves it anyway.

I guess I'd better end here; I'm trying not to stay up all night, although I'm not sleeping well at night - pain keeps me awake - and then I sleep late into the afternoon. I HAVE to get back to the gym - even though it'll kill me for the first week, I know it's the only thing that will ease up the muscle pain - but it's easier said than done, especially with the infections.

*sigh*

I'm not depressed or anything, just blah. Winter blues, maybe. I just wish I could stay awake more of the time; I'm fairly useless the way things are.