The Musician And Me

My 20-year-old redheaded musician walked with me to the bus last week. We talked for a half hour or so, about Paris and Japan and finances and being an adult and music and a whole lot of other things, and the more I talk to him, the more I feel like I've known him for my whole life.

*sigh* Of course, saying MY musician is a bit of an exaggeration; he's not really mine at all. He has a girlfriend, and I assume they're happy, and I'm not interested in getting in the way of that. But damn, I really don't want to lose track of him. Our last class is on Tuesday, and I don't know if he'll be taking Japanese next year - don't actually know if the course will be running next year; my teacher is still battling with the uni admin people - and the thought that I may not see him again is tearing me up. I gave him my card with my email and FB details, and both my phone numbers, but he hasn't contacted me yet. I don't know if he will.

I don't know if I'm fooling myself - it's entirely possible - but the feeling I get from him is that he likes me, and finds me somewhat attractive, and for some reason is fighting it. Every lesson barring the one where I sat next to him, he's sat in a place where he can watch me, and every time I look up that's exactly what he's doing, although he usually averts his vision quickly as soon as he sees me looking at him. Sometimes I smile, and he blushes a little. And then other times I deliberately don't look up, instead I expand my awareness so that I can see him but still keep my eyes on my work, and I see and feel his eyes on me.

Hell, I can't explain what I feel for him. I love everything about the guy. And yet I don't want to split him and his girlfriend up. I don't want to sleep with him, not really, although I have wondered about it a time or two. All I can say is that I want to know him. I want to be around him, and talk to him, and care about him.

Oh god, please let him keep in touch with me, because the thought of losing him is breaking my heart.