Shopping

A fairly painful week financially, although the rest of it wasn't too bad. I went to town the other day to find that there was a balloon payment at the end of the loan, which ended up being twice what I expected to pay. And my iPod broke last week, so I went to Currys yesterday to buy a new one (after looking in Game and Carphone Warehouse, which don't sell them, and HMV and Sainsburys and two Argoses, who could only offer me an 8GB ) and ended up buying a new notebook computer instead. Well hell, the sales were on, and my old laptop is on its last legs. I just hope that it survives long enough for me to transfer all the files.

Which reminds me, I also bought a flash drive the day before. Of course, I didn't know what they were called, and had to ask the guy in W H Smith for, and I quote, "One of those stick things that you plug into a computer and it stores stuff". He managed to keep a straight face while I was there, but I can't imagine the stuff he said to his coworker after I left.

I did NOT buy the CD drive that I probably need, but that'll have to wait till next payday.

I didn't manage to get the iPod in Currys - again with the freakin' 8GB stuff, I'm really surprised that a 16GB is so hard to find - so I ordered it today from Currys online store.

Plus yesterday I got a dress for autumn, and I tried one today that I want to buy. What with the change in my height and boob size over the last few years, I don't have enough autumn and winter clothes. The dress I bought isn't my usual style - it's long and black with spaghetti straps and swirls of vibrant colours in the skirt - but I love it because it can be worn year-round, and it covers my legs. (I don't know what it is about me and maxi dresses, my legs aren't THAT bad, but I always prefer things that come to my ankle or lower.) And the one that I want to buy is light gray cotton jersey knit, and I'm really excited about it because I haven't been able to wear gray the whole time I was blonde, which has been about ten years, maybe more. But now I have red hair - at least for autumn - the gray will look good. Now I just have to find the money for it.

I don't think I've ever had a week where I bought two really expensive things. Normally if i need a computer or a phone or an iPod or something, I save up for ages, and I've never bought two things like that at once. In fact, the only week in my life that I spent more money than this one was the week I bought my car. Well, and a couple of times with Julian, but that was his money so it didn't count. (That might sound heartless, but it's no more or less than the truth - a couple of hundred pounds, even a couple thousand, doesn't count to a guy who drives a Testarossa, owns both a classic Harley and a monstrous Kawasaki, and has a Stradivarius - albeit that belongs to his parents - that just sits in the music room with nobody to play it.)

(And now I'm wondering why I'm using the present tense.)

So yeah, as far as money goes, this week made me panic. I mean, I needed the stuff, but I'm still having a bit of trouble breathing. Mom, bless her, attempted to argue me into buying the stuff by telling me that things are only going to get more expensive in the future. (She doesn't buy electronics - or use them much, for that matter. She still has trouble using her cell phone, and she's had one of those for about 15 years.)

Aside from the panic, though, it was an okay week, although nobody's health is very good. My poor bubba is back in hospital, but with any luck he'll be able to go home soon and not have another relapse. I think we've got a definite diagnosis of ulcerative colitis, which isn't ideal, but is certainly better than Crohn's. And mom has plenty of pain - the operation didn't help as much as we'd hoped - but she does seem to be walking and bending better.

As for me, my health is as up and down as ever. The pain is bad, probably worse than it's ever been, but Doc Sawyer agreed to put my tramadol dosage up again, so I'm hoping that in a month or so things will even out a bit. Getting back to the gym will help as much as the pills, though. So I'll do that as soon as the iPod arrives. The amitriptyline, I had to stop taking. It was helping my sleep problems - I went from four or five hours of interrupted sleep to twelve hours of sleeping like the dead - but it was screwing with my emotions so badly. I have a little more sympathy for depressed people now, because if the way I felt when I was taking those pills is anything like the way depressed people feel all the time...well, I have no idea how they cope. I can't describe the feeling very well - the best I can do is to say it was like something inside me was broken. I had no capacity for joy, no ability to feel anything - good or bad - other than fatigue and world-weariness and a vague sadness. Certainly no hope, which is probably the one thing that defines my character.

It's kind of weird, because I took it once before, for a couple of years, and it didn't affect me this way. It just made me have nightmares.

But anyway, no more amitriptyline. I'm keeping a little in the house, for emergencies i.e. nights that I can't seem to fall asleep, and I have to be up for an important appointment in the morning. But for the rest of the time...I don't know what I'll do, I'll just have to find something else, or learn to deal with being a chronic insomniac.

It's gone 4am, so I guess I'd better go. I need to try and get some sleep, and I'm not used to the smaller size of this keyboard yet, so I keep making typos and I'm tired of correcting myself. I expect I'll get used to it soon, though. In any case, it's good to have reliable internet (and not just for watching, um, adult movies) so I'll certainly be around more, and probably be able to post more notes. So watch this space.