One silver St Jude pendant, the size of a five-penny piece, on a pale blue satin ribbon, darkened slightly by wear.
They tangle in my jewellery drawer every time. I don't know why these two, and none of my other necklaces. I would expect the satin sheen of the ribbon to repel any attempts to gnarl - none of the ribbons in my sewing box tangle, ever - but there is something, some strange attraction between soft, slightly worn satin and hard, durable ball chain that causes them to twist themselves together so that every time I want to wear my pendant I have to spend a minute or two unpicking strands.
In some weird, anthropomorphic way, it's like they want to entwine.
There is some symbolism there, I think, and more than a little irony.
Perhaps if I were smarter I'd have learned to keep them in different places. Some nights I do. Sometimes I remember for weeks, even months on end. And then I forget.
He is in my blood.
This is a stunningly beautiful post, Ms. Sati.
ReplyDeleteI want to ask if you believe 'he' will always be there and if so, what does it mean to you? I ask because I think, in some ways, I understand, but always wonder how people I love deal with the 'he's' in their lives.
What Dee said. And then, because I am curious..
ReplyDeleteIsn't St. Jude thought to be a protector ( I learned it once - and have long since forgotten their particular and specific responsibilities )
If so - is she merely protecting the memory of what was..
Dee - My love, it's good to see you here again! And good to be here. I may have started writing again, touch wood (instead of it being a once in a blue moon type of thing).
ReplyDeleteTough question. In one way, yes, he is always there, if I need something. In another way, yes, he is always there in the back of my mind, and even when we try to burn bridges, and put distance and time (most often months, but sometimes years!) between us there still seems to be that pull that causes us to eventually find each other again. He isn't the first person this has happened with - for example, Curt (the BFF) has on occasion walked out of my life for months, even years at a time, but eventually our paths always converge again - but it's the first time it's been almost against our will. And, I think, the first time where I've repeatedly come back to a person (and a person has repeatedly come back to me) when nothing that kept us apart has changed. With others, they leave - or I do, rarely - when there are circumstances that mean that we are not good for each other, and when those circumstances change we come together and build something new on the foundations of the old. In this case, it's more like coming into a time warp.
So no, I suppose he will not always be there. Or at least - not here. Perhaps there, in the background. Like living with a ghost.
Oh well, I'm used to living with ghosts - I have been sharing my life with them for nearly thirty years, after all. :)
Gaele - I am not sure, to be honest. Although I was raised in Spain, and am therefore "Catholic-ish" almost by default, my knowledge of the saints is basic at best. I do know that he is well-known as the patron saint of lost causes, and on both a personal and a professional basis that sounds like someone I want on my side.
ReplyDeleteYou may be right, about the memory. At times I wonder if I wouldn't be smarter to leave the memories in the past where they belong, and the people with them. Yet - it is so very hard to do so when you know that most of the time, you feel happier when they're in your life than when they aren't. And for an optimist like me, the line between hoping for the best and being deliberately blind to destructive patterns is a very fine line indeed.