9am Is Not A Myth

[K did not come to visit, and never spoke to me again after this point, with no explanation given. And my world went dark, and still hasn't quite lightened up again yet.]

Oh yes, my lambkins. It's not just something that's made up to scare people. I'm sure I knew this once upon a time, but I think I buried all memories of this ungodly hour along with other traumatic experiences of high school.

Of course, I was up till 6.30. Night shifts and all.

Why am I up, you ask? Well, my plans for the day involve meeting up with Kurisu-san, who I still have just a teensy weensy crush on (um, OK, a crush the size of Jupiter) and hanging out, catching up, and somewhere along the line convincing him that he doesn't really want to sleep with me, he needs to try and work things out with the girlfriend he still loves, or at the very least sit down with her and have an honest talk about why they're having problems.

Why am I doing this? You know, I've been asking myself that for awhile and although I've come up with half a dozen answers, I don't have one that's completely satisfying. I'm doing it because people need to communicate in relationships, and when you love someone you don't throw aside what you have when it gets hard, until you've at least made a decent effort to talk it through and try and come to a solution, or at least an understanding of how you both feel. I'm doing it because he's young, and lacking in self-confidence, and he doesn't understand that there are a hundred reasons why a woman might not seem like herself for awhile, and most of them don't have anything to do with whether you're still attractive or not. I'm doing it because he's a close friend, and I love him dearly and I want to see him happy. And because love should be fought for.

Never mind that last night he seemed very flirty and very interested in me. Never mind that I still respond to him emotionally, and that even though our conversation wasn't particularly risque, the thought that he finds me attractive was a huge shock and a huge turn-on.

Fuck. Why am I doing this?

Oh yes, because I'm Bambi. I'm all moral and shit like that.

Even though I haven't had sex in months. And even though I know instinctively that sex with K would be something on a whole new level to anything I've experienced up to this point.

Rargh.

Karma. Focus on the karma, and the potential disaster of hooking up with a friend because he's in a bad place emotionally. Not a good situation.

Focus. Be a friend. He needs a friend more than he needs a hormone-riddled booty call.

I'll catch you up on how it goes later. For now you can go and read more about K if you want:

(In chronological order, earliest to latest: )

[None of these links work on here. I'll try and put in ones to the posts on this site soon.]