The Date That Didn't Happen

I promised to tell you what happened, yes?

Well, the short answer is, nothing. We'd arranged for him to come and visit sometime in the late morning, after a music rehearsal and before he had to go to work at 4. He texted me at about 2, saying that his rehearsal ran over and he wouldn't be able to make it, as it took about an hour to get here on the bus (buses in this town are ridiculous; even though he lives at the uni in the next town over, less than 10 miles away, when we were doing the Japanese it took me an hour and a half each way) and as soon as he got here he'd have to turn around and go home.

Fair enough, I said. You're busy, you're working two jobs and going to school full time. I figured he'd text me later, since a couple hours before he'd been saying I should message him anytime and he'd always reply.

And then in the afternoon he either blocked me from his faceplace profile, or he deleted it. Because I can't find it, and he's disappeared from my friends list. And when I texted him asking if he was OK, and mentioning that his profile had disappeared, he didn't reply.

*sigh* People are strange.

My best guess is that he's feeling embarrassed with me, even though he told me emphatically - both the night before last, and several times before - that he doesn't ever get embarrassed about speaking his mind, and that once he comes to trust a person he always says what he feels. I believe him, too - I haven't met many people in my life who can say that they never lie about their thoughts and emotions, but he's one of them. Although he was reserved when I first met him, and had walls that I wondered if I would ever be able to scale, since we became good friends he's never hidden any of his feelings from me that I can tell, even the darkest and most painful ones. And I've never once known him to tell a lie, either. If he doesn't want to talk about something he says he doesn't want to talk about it - he did that a few times, back when I was first getting to know him - but he doesn't lie.

I've kind of taken a vow to treat him the same way, and never lie to him. This won't be easy for me, since I have a habit of - well, not lying exactly, but evading, and occasionally misleading, and not disclosing the whole truth, in order to try and spare a loved one's feelings. But my instincts tell me strongly that he is a rare person, one of the few left with a totally open heart - an innocent, if you like - and that total honesty is the only possible way to make this thing work. Whatever this thing is. I don't yet know what it is - first and foremost he's my dear friend, and I want him to always be my dear friend. Would there ever be anything more? Only time will tell.

And no, I don't feel that he's being dishonest with me by avoiding me, or by telling me he never gets embarrassed. There's a first time for everything, after all.

Chances are we'll talk again soon. I hope. Whatever happens, we'll work it out.

I do miss him, though. Already.