Oli

WARNING: This post contains sexual references.


If you're wondering what that glazed over expression on my face is, I got well and truly fucked today.

And possibly made love to, too. Hard to say. Most likely it was a bit of both.

(This is a pretty big event for me, since it's the first time in months that didn't involve my hand and something battery-operated.)

I don't really know what to say, honestly. My brain isn't functioning properly tonight. I'm very tired. After battling rogue antivirus software all night, I then got four hours of sleep, then got up at 12 noon and cleaned my room in preparation for Oli's visit. (Although I've known him for a year and a half now, he's never seen my house, since he's been away at uni.) After cleaning I headed to John Lewis, got rained on, decided on a mirror and some napkin rings for the wedding present, got rained on again, came home and bathed, and then Oli came over. And...well, this is where you came in.

Some people say that great sex plus friendship equals love, and others say that love is so much more. I'm not sure which camp I fall into. I suppose it's a moot point really, since whichever it is, I know I love Oli. I don't know if I'm *in love* with him, but I know I love him. I know that I light up when I see him, and he does the same. I know that I trust him in a way I don't trust anyone else in the world. I know that I can lie there with my boobs hanging out and my stomach all flabby and not feel particularly self-conscious, and that he'll tell me I'm beautiful and I'll believe him. More than believe him, actually - I'll feel beautiful.

I also know that I'd rather sit and watch boring TV with Oli than have incredible orgasmic sex with anyone else. Of course, incredible orgasmic sex with Oli would be my first choice.

So why are we not together, you ask? I don't know, really. The reasons are becoming less and less clear to me as time goes by. Maybe we will be one day, or maybe we're just better off as best friends who sleep together.

Whatever. I'm very happy right now. Oh sure, part of it is that goofy-happy you get from sex hangover, but a lot of it is also just from seeing him, hearing his voice say my name, holding his face between my hands and running my thumbs over his cheeks and lips and kissing his nose.

I'm also very sleepy. I was hungry and sleepy, but I ate an obscenely large Indian takeaway (I can see I'll have to work out for several hours tomorrow at the gym, but it was worth it) and now I'm just sleepy. Well, happy too.

So I'm going to go bed. *tired smile* Alone tonight, but I can still feel his presence here.