Ten Ways To Get Yourself Happy

I lost a boyfriend to suicide at 15, was raped at 21 by a man who left me brain-damaged and with a permanently pinched sciatic nerve, and have lived more than half of my life with a very painful medical condition.

And yet, I consider myself a happy person, at least 70-80% of the time.

Part of the ability to cling to happiness and thrive in times of adversity is due to genetics, and another part is a response to your relationships during the first three years of your life, but mostly it's something that comes to you through hard work. There is no such thing as a person who cannot ever be happy. If you're capable of feeling anything at all, you're capable of feeling joy. If you're willing to put in the work, you'll eventually find that you reap the rewards.

Therefore, I offer you my list - Ten Ways to Help Yourself Get Happy.

1 ) Get out of bed. They say that the first casualty of depression is the will to fight it, and it's true that many unhappy people prefer to stay in bed, or at least on the couch, and not wash or dress or go out. It doesn't help. Get up, take a bath or shower with a soap or shower gel that smells good, and put on some fresh clothes. Do it even if you don't want to, or if it's hard, or if you think you don't have the energy. Staying in bed will do nothing for you except give you the time to think about your problems, and getting clean will at least make your body feel a little better, even if it doesn't help your emotions.

2 ) Stay away from alcohol. It might make you feel better in the short run, but it doesn't improve your life in any way. And even the short-term benefits aren't certain - many people feel as miserable when they're drinking as they do when they're sober, they're just not self-aware enough to realise it.

3 ) Exercise. Whether you just have the winter blues, or full-blown clinical depression, exercise is the single best thing that you can do to improve your mood. Exercise works in a number of ways: first and foremost, it releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters. Secondly, it gives your mind something to focus on aside from your troubles, and thirdly, it provides something that you can feel proud of accomplishing. It doesn't matter if you go to the gym, or take a half-hour walk daily, or run up and down the stairs a dozen times. As long as you get your muscles moving and your heart pumping, it'll help, although anything that involves you leaving the house is best.

4 ) Do something to make yourself laugh. It doesn't matter how silly it is. One of my favourite things to do when I'm feeling down is to do celebrity impressions in the mirror. My absolute favourite is Jack Nicholson as The Joker from Batman, complete with red lipstick and a pen for a cigar. Do stay away from anything that hints of meanness, though, because no matter how funny it seems at the time, the feeling of remorse you get afterwards will drag you down again.

5 ) Clean your room. It's perfectly natural for people to feel stifled and uneasy when they're surrounded by mess and dirt. Even those of us who feel cosy and insulated when they're in a messy environment find it hard to think clearly. Clear out the mess, clean up the dust, and you may find that your brain is more at ease and your thoughts are clearer and easier to work through.

6 ) Overhaul your diet. I'm not talking about eating less, I'm talking about eating healthily. When we're miserable it's natural for us to turn to comfort foods, which are usually high in refined sugar and fat, but the foods that make us feel good for a little while are the same foods that make our bodies feel sluggish and tired in the long run. Fresh fruits and vegetables are high in the vitamins and minerals that most of us desperately need, and green leafy vegetables and citrus fruits are best of all. Nuts and seeds are also beneficial, as they can provide the Omega-3 oils that help to boost brain function, and make you feel more energetic. If you're unsure, ask your GP to refer you to a dietician.

7 ) Take help wherever it's offered. I can't count the amount of people who come to me and say, "Nobody will help me," and then when someone offers a helping hand, turn it aside. Most people are naturally helpful and will want to help out a friend in need, whether it's with practical things (like someone to look after the dog or help you with grocery shopping until you get back on your feet) or by offering advice on a subject that they've gone through themselves, or just by being someone who'll listen. Don't turn them away. Take all the help you can get. And don't be afraid to go see your GP if you're feeling overwhelmed. In the UK, at least, more depression is treated every year than any other illness. One word of advice, though: if your doctor offers you antidepressants, ask for a referral to a counsellor as well. If the waiting list is long, ask around at your local Citizens Advice Bureau / church / hospital about support groups. I'm not knocking antidepressants, and I think in some cases they can be very helpful, but they can only treat the physiological causes of depression - they can't change your life for you.

8 ) Make a list of all the things you love. It doesn't matter what it is - anything that makes you smile, or makes you feel glad, put it on the list. TV shows, music, people, pets, a favourite colour, a great-tasting food, a good memory, a book that makes you laugh. Put it down on paper, and take your list out to read over when you feel down. My list will be coming soon, so watch out for it!

9 ) Read a good book. If you've never been a reader, start. If you don't have much time, read for fifteen minutes before bed. It almost doesn't matter what you read, as long as it interests you.

10 ) Understand that there's no such thing as a perfect, permanent happiness. We live in a transient world, and nothing in it is either perfect or permanent. Even the happiest, most well-adjusted of us have bad days, or even bad weeks or months. The difference between happy people and unhappy people is that happy people have learned to appreciate simple pleasures: the colour of the sky, or the feeling of sunlight on their face, or a beautiful piece of music. Life is not a static thing, it's a series of moments that run together. Concentrate on appreciating the good moments, and eventually you'll find that you're able to better cope with the bad ones.

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This list is not a substitute for professional advice. If you believe you may be clinically depressed, or have any urge whatsoever to harm yourself or someone else, see your doctor.