Bambi Is Back In Business

Well, sort of. It'll take me a few days to get back into the swing of things. Boobies will be coming as soon as I get my new phone set up - or as soon as I get a pic from last week onto my computer, whichever happens first.

Till then, I'll give you a couple of posts that I wrote while I was away - if I can find them, LOL. (Damn notebooks.)

- OPEN SCENE -

Sati and Mom are sitting in the disability benefits office, listening to some bureaucratic a-hole talk about why they can't help, because you have to go through certain channels and when paperwork gets lost they can't expedite the new form, you have to start all over again from the beginning and wait however long it takes, etc etc ad infinitum.

As they leave the office, Sati is smiling widely.

Mom: Who did you see?

Sati: Eh?

Mom: You're smiling. I thought you saw someone you liked. [Note: she means someone I fancy, but she's trying to be diplomatic.]

Sati: Oh...no, I was just woolgathering.

Mom: Share the joke?

Sati: I was thinking about mass extinctions.

Mom: (slightly sarcastic) Yeah, I can see how that would be funny.

Sati: When the volcanoes erupted at the end of the Permian, do you think that guy was out there every day for 500,000 years, writing down in his little notebook, "Day X. Temperature 1200 degrees Celsius. Volcanoes still erupting."?

Mom: Volcanoes that erupted for half a million years? I don't think so.

Sati: Were too. [Note: why does talking to my mother so frequently turn me into a seven-year-old?]

Mom: Says who?

Sati: New Scientist.Mom sighs and shakes her head, not quite sure how she ended up with a daughter who laughs at the apocalypse. Sati sighs and shakes her head and continues missing Hot Guy #3, who is the only person she knows who might share the humor in that situation.

- CLOSE SCENE -

True scene this time, not a dream.

Please tick the imaginary boxes at the end of each line if you:

a) Knew what I was talking about when I mentioned the Permian, and didn't just assume that it had something to do with the dinosaurs;

b) Knew what I was referring to when I mentioned half a million years of volcanic eruptions;

c) Knew what I was talking about when I mentioned mass extinctions, plural;

d) Actually care about any or all of a, b or c;

e) Smiled when you read my hypothetical Permian bureaucrat scenario.

If you ticked all five, you get my heart and body. Just call 1-800-BAMBI and swear your undying lust.