Rain, And The Rest Of My Day

It's been raining here for a couple of days. I can't quite decide how I feel about rain. When I'm at home and don't have anything urgent to do, I love it. I want to curl up with a special person and listen to the patter of the raindrops and the crashes of thunder outside, and see the lightning that flashes through my room, and then make our own thunderstorm in bed. But when I have to go out it can really drive me crazy. And when it's loud enough to keep me awake, or even to wake me up a couple of times, I lose the romantic feeling and instead feel kind of lonely, because the right person isn't there beside me.

The sun came out today for most of the afternoon, and I took advantage of it to go into town. I've been having some problems with my debit card (more about that in a moment) and thought that I'd better get to the bank - and also to the gym - while I had the time. So I got dressed, looking all pretty and put-together, and I got halfway down my driveway (which isn't long, maybe about four metres), and somehow slipped and fell. I don't even know exactly HOW I fell, except that my right leg went under me, and my left leg went out in front, and I ended up with a twisted left knee, a bruise on my left butt cheek (thank goodness I'm a bit chubby, it would have hurt a lot if I were thinner), a nasty gouge on the top of my right foot, and a scrape about the size of my hand on my thigh. And I got generally wet and muddy. It's not like I hurt myself badly, but I feel like a bit of an eejit. And when I went out to check what I'd slipped on, it turned out some jackass left an apple core on the drive, and it had broken up into little mushy pieces that I didn't see (since it was the same colour as the ground), and that was what was so slippery. I didn't think it could have just been the stones, since the only time they get bad like that is when it's icy - which is maybe two days a year. I can only assume that the culprit was one of my lodgers, being too lazy to put it in the bin or throw it on the compost heap (which is like three metres away - lazy bastards) but it could easily be one of the neighborhood kids, new ones are always throwing trash into our garden until they get broken in by the older kids who tell them it's not on. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm not badly hurt, just a bit sore.

So I went inside, cleaned and bandaged my wounds, changed my skirt and cleaned my shoes and went back out. My card got declined in two shops yesterday, and I knew I had money in the bank, so I thought I'd better go sort it all out today. And I did, and the guy who dealt with me was really, really nice. We talked for about an hour, both about bank stuff and other things. I told him about my illness and my mom and living at home and money problems and phone bills and Oli and my American accent. And he told me about moving back in with his mom (same as me), and having a car but no driver's license (also same as me), and travelling and his mobile phone and how he twisted his ankle playing football yesterday. Possibly not the kind of conversations bankers should be having while they work, but it was definitely the highlight of my day. (Or one of them.)

It's so funny, I don't meet anyone really interesting for months and months, and then I go and randomly meet 3 or 4 great people in the space of a couple of weeks. I don't know why it always seems to happen like that.

Hmm, what else happened? I actually slept last night. I took a nap yesterday afternoon, went to sleep at about 4.30, and slept until 10 when my mom woke me up for food. Got up, could barely stay awake to eat a chunk of bread and a piece of bacon (my eating patterns have been sporadic for years, and although I try to eat properly these days I still fall back into old habits when I'm not very well), talked to Oli for five minutes (just enough to tell him I have a cold and a foggy head), and fell back to sleep by 11. And I slept all the way through until 6.30 this morning. Amazing. And I woke up feeling not too bad, so I talked to The Light of my Life (heh) and then worked for a while, until I went into town.

Oli split up with his girlfriend a few days ago. Yes, the mean, slightly crazy one. And he's being so casual about the whole thing, I can't work out what he's thinking about it. This was how the conversation went when he told me about it:

 [The conversation did go here, but I no longer feel comfortable about posting that. The long and short of it was that he said, "Guess what?" and after playing a guessing game for a few minutes, he came out with, "I broke up with my girlfriend". And then proceeded to act like he didn't care at all.]


So there you have it. I don't really know what to say about the whole thing. Part of me feels bad, because I know he's got to be hurting - he did love her, after all. And also because I can't help but wonder if part of the reason they split (at least if it was his idea) was that he realised how he's been treating me for the last X months. Part of me's wondering what the heck made them break up after all this time, but I don't want to ask - when he's ready to tell me, he will. The only thing I'm not wondering is whether or not we'll get back together. She was never the main problem in our relationship, she was just a symptom.

I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. I guess I knew, even when I wrote that post (see "I wish my life were a Frank Downey story"), that I couldn't kick him out of my life. I love Oli, even if it's just as a friend. And even though the way our friendship has been lately has left me feeling really bad, I know that he would never hurt me deliberately. But even though he's still my friend, will probably always be my friend - or at least until he tells me he doesn't want me in his life - I don't really know what form our friendship is going to take in the coming months.

He's finished uni, got his degree, and is moving back to London in the next couple of months, so perhaps we'll start seeing each other more often, and move into a new kind of friendship. Who knows.

Oh well...I guess all I can do is hope that things work out for the best. Whatever that may be.