Very Little To Say, I'm Sorry To Admit

I tried to post here last night. Actually, I tried eight times, but I couldn't seem to write. The things that I wanted to write about wouldn't come out, and everything that DID come out sounded like a melodramatic pity-party, and really there's very little in my life right now for me to feel sorry for myself about.

I don't feel particularly well, but that's just par for the course.

For the last week, I haven't been able to sleep at night (no, Angel Eyes, it's not you - even if you weren't around, I wouldn't be able to sleep, so don't feel bad) which means I sleep away most of the day, and when I get up I feel like hell. I think I must have picked up another bug somewhere; I've been fighting off what's either a cold or some sort of allergy for a couple of months, but in the last ten days or so it's bothered me a lot at night. If it IS a cold it never seems to develop fully: I get sore throat and ears and a stuffy head for a few days, but it never goes into my nose or chest, and then after a couple of days it clears up, only to return again in a week or two. And then at the moment it's the opposite: my nose starts running in the evenings (which is why I think it can't be hayfever or anything similar, since that should get worse in the day and better at night) and then is blocked up in the mornings, but I don't have the throat or ears.

I don't know, part of me wishes it would just come and get it over with, but instead it seems satisfied to lurk.

My health is being quite frustrating at the moment. Every day there's something wrong, some stupid little thing that isn't a major part of my illness, that shouldn't bother me much at all, but is just obvious enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Yesterday it was a patch of skin behind my knee that felt burned. I get these over-sensitive patches now and then. I can only assume that they're a result of malfunctioning nerves, because there's never any obvious signs of burning or irritation, or anything like an insect bite. The worst one I had was on the outside of my left thigh, a patch about three inches long and an inch wide, and for more than a year it was excruciating to touch. I had to bandage it up so my clothing wouldn't brush against it, even though there was absolutely nothing there to see. And I thought that the knee one yesterday was going to be another one like it, and was dreading the thought...but today, it seems to be gone, thank god.

It's just stupid things like that. A really painful blister on my foot, a sore back, a mosquito bite on my forehead, a spasming muscle in my inner thigh or inguinal area - things that shouldn't bother me much, but because I'm producing so much substance P at the moment, do. And they'll last for a couple of days max, and then the next day there'll be something else that drives me crazy. Even something as little as feeling damp will make it impossible for me to relax. And since it's raining a lot at the moment, and my house seems to be leaking in various places, I feel damp a lot.

Part of it's due to the fact that Bruce cut one of my medication dosages in half, and it's taking me a couple of months to adjust to it. I know why he did it, I know it has to be done if I'm ever to live in the US, and I'm generally someone who does what's necessary and tries not to complain too much about it. But it's driving me nuts all the same.

Are there any GOOD things to report, you're wondering? Well, not really, since I haven't done much recently. I did get into town once, and I picked up a prescription, made an eye test appointment for Wednesday, bought a black cardigan. I went to join the gym, and couldn't find the damn gym. I know vaguely where it is, but I couldn't find the entrance. I'll have to try again in the next couple of days, though, since we're now nearly done with the first week of July, and Tony and Debbie are getting married on the 16th of August, and I'm still not slim and beautiful like I was hoping to be. I ordered that Pink Patch thing that I keep seeing advertised everywhere, have been on it for two months now, and although my metabolism has gone through the roof, I don't feel any thinner. The metabolism increase is good, and that alone is probably worth the price I'm paying for it, but I was hoping that it would make me look like the girls in the ads, and so far it hasn't. But that may happen in time, especially if I go and start working out daily. And who knows, the exercise might actually make me feel better.

There are a million and one things on my list of stuff to do: see my Da again, have coffee or dinner with Zia, sort out the shoe rack, finish painting the kitchen cabinets, paint the bathroom, paint my bedroom, reorder the furniture in my bedroom so I don't get woken up by the sun every morning, learn how to use a drill so I can put up a curtain rail on my window, pack away my winter clothes and get the summer ones out, go in the attic and get my too-small clothes out so I can see how much weight I need to lose before I can get into that gold dress, sort through my college folders and organize and file away the notes, decide whether I'm going back to college in September, make the appointment with the PI I've been meaning to do for three weeks, get a better job...the list goes on. But I don't seem to have the energy or the will to get any of it done.

I really hope that the sun comes out soon, and I start to feel better.