Whichever it is, I'm feeling it now.
So you have a crush on a guy, right? All well and good. He's even a slightly-in-the-public-eye guy* - not everywhere, but amongst certain circles. You don't crave fame for yourself, but you think, OK, I can cope with that. It's not like he's Paris Hilton. (That's an amusing piece of irony, actually.) He's sweet, he's funny, he's smart. He wears mascara and guyliner sometimes, but you don't really have a problem with that as long as he doesn't start wearing your panties.
And then you randomly do a google images search for him, like you sometimes do for yourself or your best friend or the guy you dated in high school (just curious, really)...and one of the things you find is hardcore porn pics. Not just hardcore porn, but hardcore orgy porn.
So you're not a person who's easily surprised, and even when you are you don't always react much. So half of you is thinking, Ehh, we all have our kinky sides...but the other half is going, Meh, that's just too kinky for me.
Oh, and by "you", I mean "me", BTW.
So it's been a slightly odd evening. What makes it even odder is that I'm actually turned on by these stupid orgy pics.
Ja, I need to get laid.
Other news...I had my gym induction today, and Ola taught me how to use the weight machines. I'm starting off small, lifting about 25 kg each time (although more for the back extension machines), but hopefully in time I'll get it up a bit higher. There was a point in my life where I could lift my own body weight (and a little more, actually) without a huge amount of strain. Which sounds bizarre, and even the gym guys would go "WTF???" when they saw me do it, because I don't look like a bodybuilder. Actually, I look like a soft fluffy marshmallow who should have trouble lifting her gym bag, let alone however much I weighed at the time.
However, that time was half a lifetime ago, or nearly. OK, 10 years. Not quite half a lifetime, but near enough. And these days, the fibromyalgia is a lot worse than it was back then, and there are days when I have trouble lifting a full kettle, so as I said, I'm starting out small with the weights. But I get to work my lats and pecs, then my adductor and abductor muscles (those are the ones in the inside and outside of the thigh, in case you didn't know), then my biceps and triceps. And hopefully soon my abs and quads and everything else.
Y'all are probably sick to death of hearing about my gym stuff, but it's exciting to me.
There's this one guy at the gym, he's a personal trainer there. And since I saw him the first time, I've had this sense that I knew him from somewhere. He looks a little like one of my cousins, a little like an old friend I used to have, a little like a guy from my English class a couple of years ago. But not quite like any of those people. I figured the sensation of knowing him was just due to the resemblances.
Either way, I've had a thing for him since I first saw him.
He doesn't wear a nametag, and I'm not entirely sure, but I think I heard someone call him Chris today.
I ran into him outside the gym, and he gave me a smile and a wave. And what a smile it was. It made my heart flutter and my stomach flip over, and it's been a long time since any guy's done that with just a smile.
So I'll keep you posted.
* No, I'm not telling you who he is or what he does. Or anything else you can use to identify him, for that matter.
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