First Love

Meme Day 2 (October 2nd) - First Love


The first time I thought myself in love, I was thirteen and he was seventeen. His name was Julian Hayes (anglicised from Hausach), middle name Heimdall. He found the middle name hilarious, because Heimdall was one of the Nordic gods of sunlight and goodness - his name literally means "he who casts bright rays" - and Julian was one of the darkest, most intense people I ever knew. He always said he should have been named Loki, and I was inclined to agree with him.


Ju was a beautiful boy, intelligent and passionate, who happened to be emotionally damaged. He never was shown love from his parents, and when I loved him with everything my young, naive, thirteen-year-old heart could give, he couldn't cope with it and eventually self- destructed, after trying his best to take me with him.


Julian died eleven years ago, and I still have days when I miss him so much it hurts. Mostly, though, I think of him fondly.


The first boy I loved in anything even approaching a healthy way was a good friend of mine named Michael Zammit. I was fifteen. Nothing ever came of this, because he lives in Australia and I live in England. We were close friends, though, and he was the first person I ever fantasised about spending my life with. I always think of Michael as my first real crush - while there had been ones before him, he was the first one to occupy my thoughts night and day. Michael's still a good friend, although we don't talk as much as we used to. Last time we talked, I told him he was my Jacob (as in Twilight / New Moon) - it's an unforgivable cliche, but no less true for being so. He brought the sunlight to my life at a time when I had very little of it, and he taught me how to see it for myself, and for that I will always remember him.


The first time I fell truly in love was my fifth day of Sixth Form college in London. I was seventeen. It was the first day I talked to a guy who would later become my closest friend, and I'm afraid I fell in love and never quite fell out. Believe me, I've tried. Over the years I've become an expert at shoving this love down deep inside myself, where it can't escape, but this is the best I can do - after nine years I love him still, despite everything I've tried to get rid of it, and on my most pessimistic days I think that I'll still love him if I live another ninety.


I probably haven't given as much detail as I should have here. Oh well, most of you know the stories anyway. *shrugs*




Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment